Tonight, would have been a nice night to talk to someone, I was at hospital today and all issues which I’ll get to. I was reacting to something in the house, the cleaner was in yesterday and despite getting cleaning products that are all plant based and no chemicals there’s something that’s triggering my cough and lungs to bung up. There was nothing worth watching on tv and so I decided to go over to the pub to see if there was anyone there I knew to chat to and get away from the house for a bit.
I opened the windows and went over and sat outside but there was no one there I knew and ended up just watching whatever was on the tv. It was too cool outside so I ended up going inside which was grand to start with but when a couple of people left the bar staff went over to clean the table and pretty much straight away I started bunging up and started to cough.
I wasn’t gonna wait around until it got too bad and pretty much the second I left I started to feel a bit better. I got in the house and despite the windows being open I started coughing again and stood outside for a while and put on my air filter. Rather than just standing out there in the cold I thought I’d be best coming inside again but again coughing straight away.
There’s just no relief from everything, if I’m not reacting to something I’m sore and if I’m not sore I’m coughing which makes things sorer. If I eat I’m sore, if I sit I’m sore, if I talk I cough, the smell of cooking makes me cough, I can’t sit out in the sun, if I’m not in the sun it’s too cool, I’m getting fevers one of two times a day, when I try to sleep I’m sore, if I find a comfortable position to lie, I wake up and the pressure on different parts of my chest or legs is sore when I wake up, that is if I don’t wake up with a night sweat or wake up coughing, If I lie on my chair on one side I feel as if my thigh bone is being bent of I lie on the other the pressure on my back a the angle is sore, if I lie on my back I bung up and cough.
My release before everything was going out walking but I can’t even do that any more because it’s too sore and causing more issues, I just don’t know what I can do and the list of things that I can’t do just keeps increasing. As I said there’s just no relief at the moment.
At hospital today it was my normal check-up, I said about the leg pains again and they booked an x-ray of my knees and thighs and have ordered an MRI so hopefully that won’t be too long, they think it’s my avascular necrosis that has spread and getting worse. I also told them about the cough, fevers and not eating, not just the reactions to chemicals or smells but there seems to be an underlying infection that just won’t clear up completely and being immune suppressed and susceptible, it just won’t clear up and keeps coming back and so they’re getting in touch with respiratory to see if there is another long term antibiotic that might help more.
I told them about the GP and trying to get help with my mental heath and they are going to get advice from someone and trying get me a psychologist to talk to about things rather than going down the medication side of things, which I’d prefer, not only with all the complications of them but also to get to the root of everything rather than plastering over them and finding some way to deal with everything much better.
I need to find some way to make some sort of bubble that I can sit and relax in without being sore or reacting to things and at the moment I think the only way I can do that is sitting outside in the cold. I may end up just sleeping outside, which I probably could do with my camping equipment, but it’s finding something that I won’t be sore and the second I move I know I will be.
I’d just like some form of relief for a while, me and the doctors just can’t seem to find any way to do this though.