Thursday 25th January 2024
Sweetpea by C.J. Skuse
I fairly enjoyed this to start with, it was all a bit murderous and funny.
A fairly average person working in a newspaper who clearly had a dark history and from pretty much the get go was killing people who "deserved" it.
I was enjoying it but the end just seemed to leave a lot to the imagination, maybe it will explain it in the second book of the series but I'll not give any spoilers.
The end also switched into a bit of a rom com which I lost interest with but it was just maybe the last quarter, so I would say it started strongly, middle was strong and the end I thought was poor.
As a standalone, but as a series it may, and probably will complete this story.
It was worth the read though and over all I did enjoy it, I've already ordered the next book in the series so that's the sign I enjoyed it enough.Wednesday 24th January 2024
Back at Square One?
So tomorrow I’m back seeing a different surgeon about my hips, I had this stage with the other surgeon back in May. I’ve been switched because the new surgeon apparently has a shorter waiting time but if I get bumped back to the bottom of his queue rather than the 8 months progress that I had made through with the other surgeon, it would be quite irritating and when I think about it it is making me angry.
At this stage though I’m still quite content, despite the legs getting noticeably worse day by day. When I HAVE to do something I’m able to, even though it does hurt and is a lot. The way I’m going though I’m not sure just how much longer that will be the case and in reality I could just twist awkwardly and that could be me crippled for a few days.
I’m hoping that despite seeing the new surgeon I won’t have to get another pre-assessment and he’ll see just how bad I am and things might finally progress. I’m still incredibly annoyed at the guy at the start of November saying about it being in 4 weeks, then getting a call to this surgeon at that stage, then delayed a week, then delayed another 7 weeks and then again another week to this appointment. I have little to no faith in anything they say and have never felt that way about the hospital before.
I’m not sure whether to say anything or not, I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot but I definitely want to make them aware. And vent
I guess I’ll find out tomorrow when I turn up and how I’m feeling and how I’ll react, I have had quite a short temper, but a controlled temper, so far. Hopefully it all goes well and some progress is made, I’m not expecting much though and it’ll feel like a waste of time and I really couldn’t be assed with it already.
Until the next time.Tuesday 23rd January 2024
The Black Dreams
The Black Dreams: Strange Stories From Northern Ireland, I really enjoyed this book and will remember some of the stories for a very, very long time especially one which was set roughly where I grew up and would have walked down regularly.
The title says they are “strange” stories but I would call them disturbing but strange would sell better. I really enjoyed them all, I don’t think there were any that I didn’t enjoy, some made me feel uncomfortable but that was part of the enjoyment about them.
There were about 12 or 13 stories in it and it was an easy enough read in a lovely hardback cover. Definitely one that I’ll hold on to and go back to again.Wednesday 10th January 2024
Acceptance
Happy New Year everyone, I hope you all had a great time over the holidays and it layed out as you wanted it to. I kept mine very low key and the only day actually really doing anything was Boxing Day when I went to my parents for Christmas dinner with all the family. It was very nice but was very sore and tired after and for a number of days after that.
New Year's eve I went to the cinema and I think I went to see Next Goal Wins(?), it was ok, easy entertainment for a couple of hours and won’t rush to watch it again. The next film in the cinema was Ferrari. I wasn't overly keen on it, there wasn’t much racing and more about Enzo himself and his relationships with people which didn’t really interest me, this I certainly won’t rush to watch again but worth watching.
Apart from that I haven’t been doing much apart from TV and reading, I did watch possibly one of the best films I’ll watch all year, it was Alienoid, a South Korean sci fi fantasy action adventure, it was so stupidly good and everything I like in film and the best part is there is a sequel coming out this year. It could very easily be a modern Back to the Future! This one I would watch again and pick up on more things that I missed that I’ll enjoy.
My goal for this year is to game a bit more than I did last year which won’t be too hard as I didn’t do much gaming at all and so I have ordered the old Tomb Raider games (1-3) which are being released for the PS5, although not enhanced as far as I know. I enjoy the puzzles though and it was reasonably cheap. I have also bought Metal Gear Solid 1,2 and 3 which I really enjoyed back in the day. Been playing the first one only so far but most of the way through it but it’s a game that can be played over and over and the 2nd one has a lot of things to collect like the dog tags if I remember right. Time consuming faff which I enjoy. I’ve also played a bit of one of the Need for Speeds, although I can’t remember the name of it but I enjoy them.
Yesterday I had hospital and I was dreading it for a couple of reasons, firstly cause I had to leave the house and it’s such a chore and I always get really uncomfortable and restless on the chairs and afterwards always really tired. Also Monday was incredibly frosty and I really didn’t want to be sitting in the car at 7am waiting for the frost to melt and I also had to ask the head consultant to fill in forms for me which I just feel uncomfortable doing.
Firstly there wasn’t any frost so I was very happy with that, still wasn’t happy I had to leave the house and I did get uncomfortable and very restless a few times but I got through it and requested do see the doctor rather than the other consultants but he had already completed the forms and we just went through them quickly which I’m incredibly thankful for. Getting the cannula in was a bit of fun though, my blood pressure was really low and even when they got it into the vein it just wasn’t working so it took 4 times to get it sorted. But one of the nurses was training and I don’t mind being the guinea pig and hopefully she learnt more by not getting it than she would if she just got it straight away, but she was just 2 of the attempts and it wasn’t because she was new to it.
After I went to my parents for a while and then had to get a bit of shopping in, which in itself is a real challenge, I need to find a way that will make that easier, probably just getting a trolley but it’s normally only to pick up not even a basket but I do struggle with it, more than what should be acceptable but I push myself to do it, I’m just not very good at asking for help which I really should do more.
I got home and watched a bit of tv and tried to have a nap as I was supposed to be going to book club that evening, I was wrecked though, drained, tired and sore, more than average so I wasn’t sure if I was going to go or not and to add to it it was in a different location to normal, which is a bit closer but I like routine and I always get anxious going to new places. Especially with the way things are at the moment, with the type of seats, toilets, steps etc it just plays on my mind loads.
But this happens every time with book club and every time I go I really enjoy it, so at the last minute I got sorted and headed over, and of course I did enjoy it, maybe not so much as normal as everyone had read a different book, we had done a secret Santa and of course everyone liked their books apart from the person I got for, which sucks. I hadn’t read it myself but I did hope that she would have.
I struggled to concentrate on things, generally in crowds I find it hard with all the voices and my hearing I struggle to focus on the one voice but with being so tired and drained I found it hard to concentrate too, I feel a bit bad as there were a few times people were talking and I just lost focus and didn’t take in what they had said, I just hope they didn’t notice or at least didn’t think I was just being rude.
Got home and tried doing a bit of reading while the football was on but I just didn’t have the concentration to focus on the words so I had to stop and after the football I stuck on Big Fish. Just over halfway I had to stop and go to be, I’ve been struggling to get to sleep a lot lately but thankfully last night I slept pretty much right through the night until about 7 this morning and today began.
I sort of come to the realization that I need to accept that I am not going back to work, I’ve known for a while but I don’t think I’ve really processed it yet, I did try about a year and a half ago and that when things with my back and head got really bad again then my legs progressively got worse too and now all of it is bad. I think I just need to think about it a bit more and find out long term what is going to happen with a few different things and then I will be able to get it into my head that that is the case and I might actually feel like I’m allowed to do nothing instead of thinking that I should be doing things to try to improve and end up wrecking myself more.
Anyway, until next time.